Grieving the end of the little years
Is it weird to cuddle your adult children? Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to need to cuddle them when they’re grown.
I almost can’t handle the fact that right now my oldest is over cuddling, and even when she tries, it’s so brief, so fleeting, so…gangly. Arms and legs everywhere. It’s just not the same. And she’s just not into it.
How long do I have before my son and youngest are over the cuddles? I CAN’T HANDLE CUDDLES BEING OVER. I told my mother-in-law tonight that when they won’t cuddle me anymore I’m going to need them to go ahead and have some babies so I can cuddle grandbabies.
I know. Don’t say it. I don’t really want my kids having babies young. Just, you know, maybe in their early 20’s.
WHY AM I EVEN THINKING ABOUT MY KIDS HAVING KIDS?!
I’ll tell you why: something happens when one day you look at your people and you realize, in a blink, they grew up.
I mean, I feel it now and my kids are only preteens. BUT I FEEL IT NOW. The pull, the break, the moving towards more and more independence. Yes, even my 8 year old feels like she’s growing too quickly. Wasn’t she just three?
Having kids is like water, it just slips through your hands and you can’t quite grasp it.
First you parent in a fog, when you have little ones, but then you parent in a blink, because it goes so fast.
Today I went onto the Please Touch Museum website to see about taking my kids one last time before they were too old and you know what? They’re too old.
We missed the last time I would take them to the Please Touch Museum. And all of a sudden it hit me, this blink, this growing that’s happen in hyper speed.
The loooooooooooong days of babies and toddler-hood and all the fog that comes with it is gone. And now I can’t keep up.
My sweet, precious babies are growing up, and I just want to pause.
But there’s no pausing, no extended breath to get “it” together. There’s only now.
There’s me observing that my heart is grieving the years going by quickly and the realization that NOW IS THE TIME, the time to KEEP GOING, invest in, listen to, lean in, and stay strong.
And by strong, I mean beg Jesus to help me keep going, give me energy and vision and motivation and EVERYTHING I NEED to MOTHER ON during these golden years.
I want to feel the ache of time so that I won’t take for granted these fleeing, special years.
This is the time.
These are the years.
I will keep going. I will give what I have to impress upon them, teach them, nurture them, disciple them, and love them. I will do this out of my weakness but with perseverance and the power of the Holy Spirit who is ever with me.
I will mother on.
And you can too. Don’t give up. Don’t regret these years. Keep going. AND GET AS MANY CUDDLES AS YOU CAN WHILE YOU CAN.
Love to you today, SM
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!
Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (The Message)