I’m sorry you have a crazy mother but I love you

You might think this post is about my mom, but you would be wrong. It’s about me.

Yes, I am the crazy mother, and not in the cool way, like, “CRAZY MOTHA”. More like, “Hey kids, sorry I’ve been kind of jerky and emotional and I told you I AM SO OVER THE NEIGHBOR KIDS and I argued with your dad about Hillary Clinton and Ryan Lochte and…I’m sorry you have a crazy mother but I love you” kind of way.

I love our neighbor kids.

I do.

Most of the time.

98% of the time.

87%.

WHY CAN’T I JUST HAVE SOME LAND LORD?! MOVE ME TO THE FARM.

But for real.

The morning started so hopeful. I was up before my kids, I lit a candle, put on some music, had some coffee, got into my BIBLE, and then…they got up early. And wanted cuddles. And I LOVE CUDDLES. But I know that once they’re up, it’s mom-time. All day, every day. It’s good. It’s fine. But sometimes, by 4pm, my husband gets SOS messages.

I homeschool, for those of you who don’t know, and so when I say I need a babysitter for rest of the summer it’s because I’m with my kiddos 24/7 All.Year.Long. Which is mostly fine because I really like my kids. But, you know, sometimes I feel like I’m sending out an SOS.

Then I take a deep breath.

I remember: “Thou wilt keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.” (Isaiah 26:3)

And this: “For He Himself is our peace.” (Ephesians 2:14)

My peace doesn’t come from less noise.

It doesn’t come from perfect kids (mine or the neighborhood ones).

I can’t find in a good Netflix binge (Stranger Things, anyone?) or on Instagram (see what I did there)

It doesn’t come from a clean home (although, Lord please send me a maid).

I can’t even get it if I get away for awhile. I can get relief, but not peace.

Deep, true, soul-desperate peace will only come from Jesus. And oh man do I need Him on the crazy days. I need Him always, but the days where I want to kick everyone out of the house only to realize the neighborhood kids start talking about who likes and who and someone hurts someone else and I’M GOING TO LOSE MY EVER LOVING MIND…this is when I need Him.

I need Him.

I need Him.

I need Him.

Thou wilt keep in perfect peace who mind is stayed on thee.

He is our peace.

He is my peace. He is enough.

Always.

And it’s the same for the big painful things in the world or the big emotions in our small personal world, He is our peace.

So when the anxiety crawls through my body, tingling down my arms and laying heavy in my neck…

When I feel stuck or crazy…

I remember, Thou wilt keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.

SM