Dear Me: I Think It’s Time You Clean Your House (an open letter to myself)

Dear me,

So…yea. Let’s talk about your kitchen.

Yes, I know, it’s summer and the blue skies and pool water are calling your name. I get it. I do. Your kids are able to swim on their own and you can actually lounge in the pool chair and read a book. Several, in fact. Lovely.

However, back to the kitchen. You do realize you haven’t cleaned it, really cleaned it, since summer began? I mean, honey, that’s just nasty. And because I care about you and saving your face, we won’t even talk about the showering situation. But for real, you need an intervention. Enough with the plastic cups and paper plates. Wash your stinking dishes! K? K.

The kids rooms. We both know they are old enough to clean them. You have taught them, and they have been fairly steady with the cleaning regimen during the school year. WHAT HAS HAPPENED?! Why do you not make them clean consistently in the summer? Are you just giving up? Don’t do that. Remember what you always say, KEEP ON.

Your bedroom. FOR THE LOVE. We can’t. Let’s just not even go there. When you have to tell your children not to step on something as they climb in bed with you in the mornings, yea, Sarah, that’s bad.

Here’s what I’m really trying to say: TAKE A DAY OFF FROM THE POOL AND GET YOUR HOUSE TOGETHER. Seriously. You have a book coming out in April on cleaning. Your in-laws are totally right when they say you are profiting off your disability. I know, I hear you, you speak in solidarity of those who aren’t awesome at cleaning. But I mean, come on. You resorted to wearing your husbands T-shirt to the 4th of July pool sleepover because YOU HAD NO CLEAN LAUNDRY.

It’s time, friend. It’s time to step away from the pool. And the reading of great books. It’s time to make dinner and not get another pizza for takeout.

I love you, I do. I’m telling you all these things because I care. And your husband needs his T-shirts (stop wearing them!).

Also, go shower.

Love, the sane side of yourself