How Do I Find a Mentor?

Jesus reached out to His disciples. He saw them, and he called to them, and He invested His life in them.

Titus 2: 3-5 says that older women are to teach the younger women.

I believe that older women should be reaching out to younger women. However, this doesn’t happen as much as younger women would like (busyness, insecurity on the part of an older woman, etc.). I’d like to offer some suggestions for younger women reaching out to older women.

Accept Humanness & Prepare For It

Sally isn’t perfect.

Many people believe that I found the perfect mentor. While it’s true that Sally is quite fitted to me, and she is my friend, advocate, and wise mentor, she’s still human! She struggles with sin just like the rest of us. When looking for a mentor, please don’t try and find someone who has it all together or has done everything right. Find someone who is humble, who loves the Lord, and is who is willing to do life with you. I love Sally because she is my friend, and she invests in my life, and we encourage each other; this is what a mentor does, walks out life with you, encouraging you and teaching you what they’ve learned throughout life. Remember, we all have sinful bents, and it is only Jesus who makes us beautiful and righteous. If you are looking for someone “perfect” you will never find them, or they will let you down. Accept the reality of humaness.


Yea, yea, I know, this is the obvious one, but it’s obvious for a reason: God hears us. Ask God to bring an older woman into your life. Ask Him who would you fit you as a friend, advocate, mentor, and life-walker.

Be Patient

You don’t have to fall in love with the first woman who asks you to coffee. Get to know them, and see if their is a commonality, a bond, a “clickness”. Don’t rush it.

Approach an Older Woman…or Two

Pay attention to the women around you, particularly in your church, and then one day ask them to come over for a cup of coffee. You don’t have to approach someone and say, “Hi, I’d like you to be my mentor.” Just get to know someone, or a couple someone’s. You’re not looking for undivided attention here, You’re looking for a real life friend, one who will sit with you as your kiddos are running around and needing fed and changed. You might not have a chance to get out for coffee, and that’s okay. A friend will meet you in the middle of your life, babies, cleaning, diapers, conflict, and all!

It’s Okay to Have More Than One Mentor

Sally is my long-distance mentor and friend, and Ginny is my local mentor and friend. I talk to Sally almost every day, and I have tea with Ginny usually once a week. Ginny also surprises me with Chai Latte’s in the morning, or washes my dishes, or makes hats for my kids and doll blankest for their dolls. She loves my children in person, and she cares for me (psst…older women, is there one young mama you can do this for?). I love Sally and Ginny, and both of them are gifts of grace to me from God. And just an FYI, the relationship that Ginny and I have began organically. We went to the same church, but didn’t even know each other. Her husband and my husband met for coffee once a week, and here and there I would talk to Ginny. Very slowly, over  a period of years, we finally get to know each other. It wasn’t until this past year that we really became dear friends. Relationships take time and effort. Make the time, and put in the effort, even if that effort is simply an open door to your life.

Don’t Forget Your Mother

If you have a healthy relationship with your mother, then you have a built-in mentor! Consider yourself blessed and reach out to her. Ask her about her life and her story and her offerings; get to know her anew. A mother who loves you and invests in you and is wise and godly is a gift! Don’t waste it.

Love, SM

Sarah Mae