“Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God…it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 4:1-4 NASB
We were sifting through coats at Target when I saw it, the cutest, most sophisticated little girl coat. I smiled. “Elle, look at this one, isn’t this great! Oh, this is just so cute.” She looked at, half-smiled, and then pointed to the one with the shiny fabric and fur-trim. She liked that one? It was so…gaudy. I had images in my mind of Mary Jane shoes and perfectly pressed pea coats. Faux fur must have been dancing around in her head.
This time, I half-smiled. “Are you sure you don’t like this one?” I strongly hinted while practically petting it. Quietly she said, “Yes mommy, that one.”
Immediately that gut-punch feeling took over.
I had pressured her into the one I wanted her to have, and she, wanting to please me, went along with it. I sighed. She thinks liking what I like will please me, and so far, that’s exactly what I was showing her. And it was exactly false.
The truth is, I love her over the moon and back and if faux fur is her thing, than great! Who cares?! Bring on the faux fur!
I am learning how to pull back my strong opinion and instead nurture her as she develops her own tastes. I want her to have the freedom to be who she is, and know that I love her regardless. I want her know that pleasing me does not have take priority over who God made her to be. She is uniquely woven and beautiful, and although I will guide her when necessary, I don’t want her to change for me. I am servant of God, just trying to find my way and figure out who I am through Him. I just want to be and walk in faith as He leads and as He has crafted me. And I want the same for her.
It is a small thing what I think of her.
What matters is what her God thinks of her. She needs to concern herself with His ways and walk in how He crafted her. I’m here to help, offer grace through the journey, love her unconditionally, and teach her to know His way.
But she walks it out.
We all do.
We all must choose to walk by faith, pleasing the only judge, or we walk in fear of what others think of us. I’m choosing faith.
And I’m praying hard that that little faux fur loving girl of mine chooses it is as well.
“The fear of man brings a snare, But he who trusts in the Lord will be exalted.” Proverbs 29:25 NASB