Episode #5 - The Insanity of an Abusive Marriage

In today’s episode, which is part 1 in a new series on marriage, you’re going to hear from Allison Fallon, a woman who made the decision to leave her abusive husband. Read more below in the show notes.

Highlights

An overview of Allison’s marriage [4:35]
When our bodies carry shame our brains don’t know how to communicate [8:00]
When marriage feels like a prison [12:28]
The lies we tell ourselves [17:40]
The moment Allison left [23:50]
The fears of leaving the relationship [31:09]
How do you know if a relationship is emotionally abusive? [36:00]
Allison’s relationship with God [51:50]
Allison’s transformational moment [55:56]
The slow pace of healing [58:55]
What to do if you are in an abusive relationship [1:03:00]

Books:

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook—What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing By Bruce Perry + Maia Szalavitz

Own Your Life: Living with Deep Intention, Bold Faith, and Generous Love By Sally Clarkson


Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse By Ruth A. Tucker

Key Scripture:

“…God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance...” Romans 2:4

Quotes:

“Writing is such an incredible powerful way for people to transform their own stories in their lives, I think it is valuable for anyone to try.” [3:43]

“The power of shame is that it doesn’t have words attached to it. It’s one of the most powerful things we feel. It dictates our behavior more then just about anything
else.” [8:12]

“Our bodies hold truths our minds can’t yet understand” [11:30]

“Relationships are mirrors, they are reflecting us back to ourselves.” [16:10]

“Being honest with ourselves takes a ton of resilience to shame. Because, we have to look at our selves really honestly. It takes a lot of emotional heavy lifting. We’ve got to actually be willing to do our own work. To get over our selfs and to let our ego be crushed again and again. To face embarrassment and to learn what it feels like to be really lonely and not try to fill the space with just anything that’s there.” [18:17]

“Little girls will transfer all their power and identity to someone else and will hand the keys over to someone else really quickly and hop in the passengers seat. A woman has to sit in the drivers seat of her own life and you have to decide which direction you are going. You have to own your mistakes.” [20:10]

“The truth hurts, yes, but it is our only way to freedom, because its the only think that puts us back in touch with the reality of what is actually happening.” [24:50]

“No matter where you are, or what you are doing, or what kind of relationship you are in, you need to know that you have a choice. The minute you know you have choices, is the minute that find all freedom and power you have been looking for and waiting
for.” [28:17]

Anytime you are in a situation with someone who makes you feel like they are the answer to all your problems, they have the access, the money, the power, the whatever, to get you where you are trying to go. You know that you are being manipulated. You just know, it’s not true.” [33:13]

“Isolation and privacy are the absolutely enemy of growth” [38:35]

“If you are being physically abused, you need to make an exit plan ASAP.” [45:12] “The most loving thing we can do for anyone is to give them their process. It’s about making space for someone to be in process” [52:33]

“The pain that we are trying so hard to avoid is the medicine. It’s here to teach us and to heal us, if we can let it move through us.” [54:24]

“When you fall apart, you finally don’t have to hold it together anymore." [58:27]

“We have two choices, we can hold on and be miserable or surrender to the fire that purifies.” [58:37]

“The call of the human heart is to come back home to the father.” [1:02:43]

The Blessing: [1:04:48]

May you grow every day in the knowledge of Gods love for you.
May that knowledge bring you great healing.
And through that healing, may you become all you were intended to be.

Resources

Onsite - Onsite provides a safe, loving, family environment where guests can break the cycles that hold them back and rediscover themselves and their relationships. 

Find Allison

You can find Allison at AllisonFallon.com and IndestructableBook.com. Want to connect with her on social media? Check out her Instagram page here.

Pre-order Allison’s book, Indestructible, at Amazon HERE.

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Listen to Episode 1 - Susan’s Story (an intro to The Complicated Heart Podcast) HERE.

You can also listen on:

iTunes

Stitcher

Soundcoud

Google Play!

Sarah Mae

Sarah Mae spends her days home-making, home-educating, writing, reading, and drinking salted caramel mochas. Her family embraces life in the beautiful Amish country-side of Pennsylvania. She is the owner of the community site Allume and the co-host of the national Christian women’s social media conference.