I blew up at her.
I was already on my last nerve with her not listening to me. Oh, she obeyed, kind of.
“Did you do what I asked?” “Yes.” You did this, this, and this?” “Yes.”
And then I check and she didn’t actually do the thing. She meant well, but she wasn’t tuning her ear to my instruction. She was distracted by what she wanted to do.
I was mad.
I yelled at her and I was harsh and I was just so mad.
I hadn’t been feeling well, plus I was irritated in general, and her not listening tipped me over. But really, my anger had been building. She just happened to be the one to get my wrath.
I went and sat and calmed down and felt kinda awful for losing it on her. “Lord, help me.”
I thought the situation over in my mind and it occurred to me that I showed her zero grace. Yes, she did something wrong, and that needed to be addressed, but I was too harsh. I could have handled it better. Do I ask forgiveness so quickly after being the yelling mom?
Yes, because it is grace that always changes me and gentleness that encourages me to be better and to keep on.
I called her to me after she was finished doing a job I had set her to do as a consequence for her not listening. I asked her if she would sit with me. She did. I wrapped my arms around her and I said, “What you did, not listening to me, was wrong, but I shouldn’t have yelled at you; I was too harsh. I hated being yelled at as a girl and it never helped me or made me want to change. You know what helps me? Grace and gentleness. In fact King David said to God in a psalm, “It’s your gentleness that makes me great.” Will you forgive me for yelling and over-reacting?”
“Yes, and I was wrong and I’m sorry too. Will you forgive me?” Her big grew wide and sweet, and then she squeezed me. “I’ll be right back!” She hopped off me and a minute later I got this:
It was the most perfect thing, and when I say perfect, I mean the most complete. We forgave each other and all was well.
I love these moments and I don’t know why I ever doubt them. When I obey God, when I tune my ear to His ways and His instruction, good comes. He’s right!
Sometimes I think, “I can’t possibly ask forgiveness again. Especially when they did do something wrong, and yea, I did too but again? Really? Won’t they get sick of it, mom asking again?”
No. No they don’t. Because I mean it when I say it and we all work together to be better…to treat each other with love and respect. We don’t ask for forgiveness just to move along and say the right thing. Our spirits compel us to love and forgive and be gracious and gentle because God is that way with us, and His Spirit is in us. We change, we mature and get better at loving because He is doing that good work inside us.
Thank you Jesus.
So if you’re wondering if you can ask forgiveness, again, yea, you can. Reconciliation is so sweet.
Love, Sarah Mae